The answer to your crossroads isn’t hiding in another pro/con list. If you’re exhausted from the mental back-and-forth, running the same questions on repeat, and still feeling stuck, you’re not broken. You just need a different approach. In this post, I’m going to share the single most powerful perspective shift I use with every client: zooming out. By the end, you’ll have a new way to think about that big decision that’s been keeping you up at night.
Why You’re Still Stuck (Even Though You’ve Done All the Things)
You’ve journaled. You’ve made the lists. You’ve talked to your partner, your best friend, your mom, and maybe even a therapist. You’ve listened to approximately 47 podcasts about “finding your purpose.” And yet here you are, still asking the same question: Should I stay or should I go? Should I do A or B?
I see this all the time with my clients. Smart, capable, successful people who are doing everything “right” but still feel like they’re spinning. One client, Bri, described it perfectly: “Our life is great, but I oftentimes feel like I’m just keeping my nose above the water.” Another client, Katya, told me she was “doing the things I know how to do” but “wasn’t getting anywhere new.”
Here’s what’s actually happening: the methods you’re using are designed to help you think harder about the choice in front of you. But thinking harder about A versus B won’t help you when the real problem is that you’re asking the wrong question entirely.
What If the Real Question Is Bigger Than A or B?
I had my own version of this moment years ago, during a walk by a creek. I was 25, wrestling with big questions about my life, and I was hit with a thought that stopped me in my tracks: “If I don’t answer these big questions now, a year will pass and nothing will have really changed.”
I knew my life would be fine, even great, if I just kept going. But I didn’t want fine. I wanted intentional. I wanted to stop letting life happen to me and start making decisions that were actually mine.
That’s when I realized: the problem wasn’t that I couldn’t decide between the options in front of me. The problem was that I was so zoomed in on the crossroads that I couldn’t see where I was actually trying to go.
When you zoom out, the question shifts. Instead of “Which path do I take?” you start asking “Where am I ultimately headed?” Instead of debating the pros and cons of two jobs, you start clarifying what you actually want your daily life to feel like. The specific choice becomes so much easier when you’re clear on your bigger Vision.
Three Questions to Shift Your Perspective Right Now
Ready to try this yourself? Here’s how to start:
- Ask yourself: Am I being pulled toward something, or pushed away from something? There’s a big difference between running toward a life you want and running away from one you don’t. Get honest about which one is driving you.
- Name what you actually want to experience, not just achieve. Forget the job title or the city for a second. What do you want your days to feel like? What experiences do you want to have again and again?
- Allow yourself to not know the “how” yet. The how will come. Right now, your only job is to get clear on what you’re actually moving toward.
You don’t have to figure out the whole path today. You just have to lift your head up from the crossroads and look at the horizon. Try one of these questions this week, and notice what shifts. You’re in really good company.
