In 2020 my life took a 180* turn.
I married the man of my dreams. He was truly a wonderful man. We were young, having fun, and committed to staying that way by not having children. Fast forward 15 years and two powerhouse careers, and we’re both approaching midlife-crisis levels of questioning ourselves, and our futures, and also drifting apart.
In March 2020, as the pandemic began, we were already separated and cohabitating in our beautiful rural California cabin. I clicked on an article from Johns Hopkins about how long the pandemic may realistically take. With the time it takes to make, test and distribute a vaccine, it’ll be 2 years before this thing wraps up.
yiiiikes
I couldn’t wait two years. I don’t have two years to cohabitate in misery with someone who doesn’t love me anymore. It was time to get this thing over with.
How Visioning helped me decide to get divorced
It was only because I had a Vision that I knew it was time. My core values, my nonegotiables, the ideal Vision for my future… There was no way I was living those values – or showing up in the way I wanted to – with my current partner. He may have once been the man in my Vision, but now he was not. And I was not the wife I wanted to be for him or thought he deserved. He wanted different things and so did I.
I was tired of California. Of work. Of trying to make it all work.
My Visionary session with Lois was a full year before my divorce. I asked her, “how many people have gotten divorced after doing this program?”
“Oh gosh! I haven’t counted… Four I think?”
“Well I might be number five.”
“Why’s that?”
“I want to change my partner’s name in my Vision from [partners name] to just the word ‘Partner’”.
“Okay!” Lois said completely supportively and nonjudgmentally. As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew in my heart that we were splitting up.
Divorce is the most terrifying thing on the planet
I got sober in 2016 and let me tell you, that was reallllly tough. Getting divorced? 1 billion times harder. I had never been alone, since we got together during college and were best friends ever since. I had panic attacks every day thinking about everything I was going to lose. It’s not just your partner that goes away – your inlaws, their family, their friends, their stomping grounds, the rituals and traditions you had together, your home, your pets, your children, and your money. It ALL changes and a lot of it goes away. You grieve MUCH more than your relationship. your entire life is upended. And now you’re doing the hardest shit of your life, alone. And you miss them.
For months after splitting up, I continued to pour two cups of coffee in the morning. I still sob in the shower randomly. The hole will never be filled, it just changes shape.
Visioning is a guiding star to return to over and over again
Because I had a Vision, this process was both harder and easier than it could have been. I knew a midlife transformation was coming. Because I knew I couldn’t avoid it, the obstacle IS the way, I charged right through it. We got the whole thing done in June, I made an offer on a new house in July, and by September I was 1000 miles away living a new life. And it was terrifying. But I had done it. All I had to do then was the good part: living my Vision. Doing things I love. Reconnecting with old friends. Pursuing hobbies I put on pause. Every time I reread my Vision, I knew I was on the right track, even though that track was hard.
Now that I’m on the “other side”, I am so relieved that I had a Vision to guide me through the process and out the other side more resilient and content.
Rereading my Vision during my divorce
Gave me hope that I can someday create the life I want
Reminded me of what I know I want and that YES this will be hard but it is the right thing to do
Reminded me there IS someone else out there that will show up the way I deserve
Brought momentary relief that all of this will pass and I will get through it
Gave me a decision-making filter that helped me go from wondering what I really want, to making confident decisions to take back my life.
Without Visioning, I’m sure I’d be fine – but I might be in a totally different place, doing something totally different than what I’m doing now. I believe that because of my Vision, I made the right decisions for me to land in a safe place and start the next chapter on both feet.
